


About A Boy

by kokuchim



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Insecurity, M/M, also I was reading too much poetry, just angsty, kinda introspective, this isn't really sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-02
Updated: 2015-05-02
Packaged: 2018-03-26 18:52:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3860851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kokuchim/pseuds/kokuchim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is a boy who loves you but you can't say it back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	About A Boy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alykapedia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alykapedia/gifts).



> Part 1 of 2 of my late!birthday gift to you. The other two are currently in production since I'm squeezing it somewhere between rotation papers and my thesis. 
> 
> Also I love love love these 2 babies and juust unffffffff

It starts off like this.

 

There is a boy who loves you but you cant say it back. _Youcantsayityoucantsayityoucantfuckingsayit_ because that boy is too young and is probably in love with someone else now. And that someone isn’t you.

 

You don’t know how  it came to this. How your legs are entwined in the middle of winter, tucked under blankets and breathing in his cologne.

 

You don’t  know how it came to this.  Kei writhing underneath you, hands clutching cheap sheets in his fists in an apartment that has seen better days, lips parted to sing breathy moans and long-forgotten sighs.

 

You don’t know when his insults turned from insults into tender caresses hidden in bitter kisses and perfect _ohs_ as the sky brightens in the greeting of a new day. The heater is broken, sweat pools between the crevices of your bodies as they lay on your futon, two silhouettes pressed so tightly they seemed like a singular being. Waiting for the sun to break through the darkened heavens and part with the secret between them.

 

Sometimes you thinks that one day he won’t be able to come back anymore. He wont spend time sitting on a train for six hours to see you and distract them both from the fact that what they are doing is unfair to him and that one day can’t be bothered to think about it when his biting remarks cuts a smile from your lips and make your eyebrow crinkle, feeling thoughtful.

 

You’re afraid that if he stops coming he’ll forget the sound of your voice whispering dirty little secrets in the shell of his lovely ears knowing that he’ll keep them close in his heart of hearts.

 

You fear that if you stay away his long spindly, beautiful fingers will no longer entwine themselves in yours. That he’ll forget about that stupid, city boy who takes more than he gives. You’re afraid he’ll leave you. That one day he’ll get fed up from all of your nasty jokes and biting remarks and just leave without saying goodbye and that scares you the most.

 

It’s easy to fall in love with Kei and his small smile. To get pulled into his pace and settle in his gravity. So easy when the pieces finally fucking fit and you’re not making it fit like all the others.

 

You cherish the moment you hear his voice over the static of your phone late at night when he’s fallen asleep talking to you. You can never tell him, this is the part you always cry yourself to sleep sometimes. Sobbing silently so you don’t have to wake up tomorrow morning with a terrible ache in your chest that this is all going to end horribly wrong and _Kei_ , he’ll destroy you and that you’re ignoring that little voice in your head telling you to _leaveleaveleave._

 

It ends like this.

 

There is a boy who loves you. Who thought he could let you go but can’t because he is a _selfishselfishselfish_ boy who doesn’t know how to share the thing he  loves the most with others. Because his apartment is littered with the ghost of your voice and your stupid shit littered all over like a fucking reminder of everything he doesn’t want to lose.

 

There is a boy who loves you even when he knows you don’t love him back. Not the way you know. Not the way Kei clutches at your shoulders bringing you closer to him with  your hands on his neck and  _hecantbreathehecantbreathehecantbreathe_ and doesn’t want to.

 

There is a boy who is so in love with you, so desperately in his short life, willing to grasp on to every scrap of your affection, of your ardor, of your time that he feels like he’s _dying._

 

There is a boy who loves another boy who loves him more.

 

And that boy is you.


End file.
